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Cultural Imperialist
"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"
Wed Mar 10
2010
Quickies
Wide Load: The Scourge of Sideblocking
Your group stroll needn't hog the public walking space. Pretending to be oblivious to oncoming pedestrian traffic is just as onerous as writing a false memoir. Walk single-file, or else. Read On
Hat Trick: Casual Jews and Skullcaps
I expect a certain percentage of religious people to wear something identifying their beliefs in public. This is commendable in our pluralistic society, and practically an outgrowth of the First Amendment, which certainly lets us wear what we want if it lets us have sex on camera for money. What baffles me is why Jews of all stripes wear yarmulkes. Read On
The world's already a nuclear dirty bomb away from chaos, destruction, and the loss of basic freedoms. Given the shabby state of the world, don't we owe it to ourselves to reduce arguments to their simplest, most entertaining form, hashing out our differences by calling each other names and harboring little regard for substantive issues? Read On
Ax to Grind: Two Guitars Are Plenty
I had a fancy dinner in New York recently, a chili-smoked hanger steak at a Thai fusion restaurant. But it was buried under such a thick crust of spices, like a Port-au-Prince shopkeeper, that the steak was barely perceptible. You know the musical equivalent? Including a third, fourth, or Jimi help us, fifth guitarist in a band. Read On
Interracial Couples Aren’t *That* Happy
The surest way to get someone to spend on your product or cause is slapping a broad cross-section of humanity on a billboard. Often this means a roughly equal balance of men and women, white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Arab and Persian, unless UN sanctions stretch over to modeling. But you know what's even harder to swallow? Interracial bliss. Read On
Auto-Tuning Ourselves To Death
Oh Auto-Tune. Once you were an interesting idea. But like all human endeavors, you were quickly appropriated for nefarious banality. Our ears need relief. Read On
Think back to the most attractive woman you ever saw, in real life or a photo. Chances are her hair was swept back by wind, a fan or slipping on an icy sidewalk and flying backwards, breaking her coccyx but looking great. Read On
The Bed Head Look: Shoot It, Stuff It, Put It in the Attic
The Bed Head look is lamer than a bag of cocks at a lesbian cookout. Be a real independent thinker and actually comb your hair. Read On