Cultural Imperialist

"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"

 

Sun Aug 20

 

2017

 

About Cultural Imperialist

Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali in his prime was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus Diet Pepsi?

The hallmark of civilization is stupid arguments.  Once Man rises from his squalor, finds animals dumber than himself to kill and eat, and makes his Woman plant and till a garden to provide him folic acid and insoluble fiber, God has blessed him to sweat the small stuff.

But it was not good that Man sweat alone, so God gave him an Antagonist, a target toward which the sweat of the Man's brow and spittle of his mouth can leap as he sputters and wags a finger in defense of his trivial cause.

Cultural Imperialist is your guide to intelligent discourse on the can-miss topics of the day.  What's the optimal state of muss for a guy's hair?  Is intelligent dance music ruining our children?  What are the rules for headshots?  Is the nehru shirt ever "in"?

We'll cover weightier topics too:  Should I become a surrogate boyfriend?  Is the owner of a lonely heart much better than the owner of a broken heart?  And the timeless question in the San Fernando Valley:  Which is more profitable, boob job or college education?

We want you to lower the conversation as well.  Cultural Imperialist is a platform for your inane and frightfully certain banter.  Summon your own spats and vote for the most convincing arguments to make the front page.  Print and put them on your refrigerator, too, because nothing brings a family together like a battle banale.

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