Cultural Imperialist

"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"


Fri Jul 28




The “Yada” Sisterhood: Gibberish Ruining Abbreviated Sentences

I’m in a rush.  No time to hear the whole story.  Skip past the filler, dammit!

Wait, what was that baby talk you just spit up on me?  "Duh-duh-duh"?

More pressing an issue than violent, drug-addicted Mexicans overrunning the good people of Arizona is this:  A whole generation, largely female, is shortening their anecdotes with gibberish. Call that Indian who shed a tear for pollution, because he’ll be bawling for the piles of rubbish littering that portion of the American lexicon dealing with the logical continuation of a series of descriptions.

The usurpation of the noble "et cetera" and the elegant "and so on" can be traced to Kirstie Alley before her girth-fueled celebrity, in the final season of "Cheers," when Rebecca Howe recounts her reasoning for going on a cruise with "yada yada yada."  The devious abbreviation flummoxes Woody Boyd, whose memory of her original statement had been replaced by the "yada."  The phrase was more famously used by George’s girlfriend in Seinfeld to conceal her affinity for shoplifting, associating that phrase with women of ill-repute.

With "yada," every woman is a reputress.  But it’s not enough to drop a deuce on the English language for some who are in an even bigger hurry to get to the point - it must be infested with tapeworms.  My girlfriend is fond of "duh-duh-duh" to shorten her sentences, saving her three syllables and me the need to stop paying attention.  Which gives me an idea...

Just as Lysistrata convinced the women of Greece to withhold sex until the men negotiated an end to the Peloponnesian War, men should withhold their attention from their women whenever they unleash the yada, the duh or any similar nonsensical placeholder for an actual thought.  Jack Donaghy demonstrated that women get turned on by "handsome men patiently listening to them," so it follows they’ll clean up their language when we turn our heads away.

Of course this could completely backfire if women start talking more, refusing to abbreviate, and so on...

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