Cultural Imperialist

"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"


Wed Jun 28




From Russia, With Hotties

Okay, Russia. You win this round of the Cold-Hot-Cold-I-Can't Believe It's Not Butter-What The Hell Are We Fighting For-What Is It Good For War. Despite the decline of your military, the alarming Muslim population explosion inside your borders, and your blatant yet somehow charming disregard for the environment and human rights, you still play the spy game with as much style and sexiness as you always have.

While we caught your thieving Red fingers in our very boroughs, it did take us almost a decade of dedicated FBI investigations to do it, and that was with the sultry online photos (see above) posted by your resident hottie, Anya Kushchenko, aka Anna Chapman (yowie, what a Natasha!), who nevertheless is a savvy operator who knows how to build high tech startups and bring value into market (at least, that's what her LinkedIn profile says). With a photo like that, who'd disagree?

The Plaming of these alleged spies presents two possibilities. One, it reignites the dispute between two aging superpowers over which fundamental economic and political ground is most firm, communism or capitalism. Two, it begs the question: Is Russia still to be feared as a Menace II Free Society?

A look at Chechnya might make you think no, but consider Russia's current position in the world poker tour: an economy staggering under a tax burden and an insufficient population to prop up the infrastructure for more than a couple decades, a loss of dominance in Olympic sports, and internal political corruption that threatens stability within the power structure.

What better way to announce that the sleeping babushka may rumble once more than by having a spy ring within the United States exposed? It signals ability, if not intent, to unsettle the American heartland through wily godlessness. And if their femme fatales are any  measure of their worth as enemies, we've got a hell of a fight on our hands.

So congratulations, Russia; you may once again fly the Imperialist flag proudly.

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