Cultural Imperialist

"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"

Fri Jul 30

2010

Archive for March, 2010

The Half-Assed Turn Is Full-On Jerk

Posted in Listen, Douche on Monday, March 29, 2010 No Comments »

Drivers who are turning but refuse to occupy the entirety of the turn lane are a douchey menace to society.

Solid as Barack: The Conquest of Health Care

Posted in Imperialist of the Week on Sunday, March 28, 2010 No Comments »

Anyone who reorganizes one-sixth of the American economy with a ridiculously ornate stroke of the pen deserves to be our Imperialist of the Week.

Waive the Date: The Horror of Tacky Wedding Invitations

Posted in Quickies on Sunday, March 28, 2010 No Comments »

I don't object to "Save the Date" postcards on principle. But I cast a preemptive spell on those joint tax entities-to-be who make my fridge look like an Oprah gift segment or MoMA exhibit.

Christian Death Metal: Oxymoronic or Truth Colonic?

Posted in Spats on Monday, March 22, 2010 2 Comments »

Is Christian Death Metal the most authentic music known to Jesus Freaks, or is it simply the loudest example of misinformed religious clanging available on MySpace?

Israel Not Biden Its Time

Posted in Imperialist of the Week on Monday, March 22, 2010 2 Comments »

Israel's timed announcement of construction plans in East Jerusalem indicate a clear willingness to breach protocol in order to advance their own interests, thus earning our Imperialist of the Week award.

Shitiquette

Posted in Spats on Monday, March 15, 2010 No Comments »

Greg and Jeremiah argue the dumping of one's, ahem, personal crap in the house of another.

Don’t Stop Rocking, Chile!

Posted in Quickies on Thursday, March 11, 2010 No Comments »

The latest round of Chile's earth-shattering quakes surrounding the recent free elections has got to be the best example of a country's own geology conspiring against democracy. Or is it?

Squirrels Are Adorable

Posted in Quickies, The Culturer on Thursday, March 11, 2010 No Comments »

Imagine running around in your pajamas all day, eating nuts and climbing trees. I'm not hearkening back to your childhood in Eugene, Oregon - that's what squirrels do. And it's groin-grabbingly adorable.

ImperialMitt: Why We Love Romney

Posted in Banner, Imperialist of the Week on Monday, March 8, 2010 No Comments »

Mitt Romney may be the greatest denigrator of The Non-American Way since P.J. O'Rourke's brilliantly offensive "Foreigners of the World" study for National Lampoon.

Cutie-Spotting Is Unavoidable

Posted in Modern Wisdom, The Culturer on Friday, March 5, 2010 No Comments »

The world is a smorgasbord of hotties. But for men who are firmly entrenched in a relationship, is it morally acceptable to scope out the cuties?

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Christian Death Metal: Oxymoronic or Truth Colonic? cited at Moronic or truth colonic? « I Think I Believe