Apple's announcement of their new tablet device sent shockwaves around the world, equal parts excitement over a 3G enabled scaled memory device and the name, iPad, which prompted a flurry of snarky responses from people like me, who glommed onto the obvious, though unintended reference to feminine hygiene. iTampon hit trending topics on Twitter hours after the news first hit the stands, and the sound of Steve Jobs slapping his face in dumbfounded astonishment caused aftershocks in Haiti's capital of Port-au-Prince, disturbing already precarious buildings still standing after the January 12 quake.
Cultural Imperialist ordinarily approves of such lowbrow mockery of any highly touted gadget, service, philosophy, religion, and ethos as the Apple brand is, but in deference to Apple's continuing march to consume and destroy all competitive forces in the world of pricey-yet-user-friendly consumer electronics, we here at CI implore those not yet on the mockery train to step back and evaluate the reality on the ground, and that is this:
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While Apple will always suck at naming their inevitably fashionable products, they will conversely always dominate their particular market. As Cultural Imperialists, Apple exceeds even Google's grasp of harnessing geek power wedded to hipster aesthetic, and thus deserve accolades for their ongoing effort to subjugate the masses in a benign technological dictatorship.
We hope you can refrain from referencing obvious pseudo-scatalogical jokes and humor regarding the new Apple product iPad, and all future Apple iProducts. After all, many of those same joking mockers are tweeting about this naming gaffe on their iPhones or from Tweetdeck on their Mac Powerbooks. Maybe irony doesn't have as bad a name, but it's more delicious when seen from the inside of a regime, not under its bootheel.
Due to its ongoing crush of competition, we're proud to name Apple Cultural Imperialist of the week.