Cultural Imperialist

"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"

 

Wed Aug 23

 

2017

 
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Harlequin Romance Meets Movie Parody Pornos

hrrlquinGangbangs of New York. Priest Vallon, known famously about New York for the enormous girth and weight of his glorious appendage, had recently been met in Battle Orgyale by Bill "The Plumber" Banger, the fierce and feared ruler of "The Natives", and been plundered mere yards from Hellgate, in his own Back Gate. The Dead Rabbits, famous in their Bunghole Rituals, were leaderless, scattered to the Five Boroughs, and The Plumber held sway until one day, the son of the dead Priest came.

Ramboner. Fierce warrior, John Rambo. His glistening pectorals rippled, as if moved by some cosmic force into concerted rhythm. He flexed the bow, bending it back until all that was left upon the neck was the thick, purple, rubbered shaft and head of the dart. All he wanted was to be left alone, but they had come to him, had tried to kill him. He breathed the steamy air, and thought of Isabella, those long, lovely nights, with nothing but a sheet between her bosoms and his throbbing member. The arrow shot off the bow, shattering his reverie along with the camouflage-wearing soldier's head.

2001: A Spank Odyssey. It was hot, turgid in the swelter of the cave. PimPam (though the Ape had no name, if it had a name, it would have been PimPam) gazed through the slotted ocular cavities in his distended face. The Monolith had performed its wondrous magic upon him, had given him such blinding pleasure, that such trivialities as ant gathering and leaf eating were considered dross. He had unveiled the black mystic rock, and in that moment, his mind grew with the distant call of some primal force, enacted upon his flank, once, twice, and again and again until he bore no more hairs there than a newborn ape.

Hairy Poker and the Half-Foot Dick. Hermione heaved her ample bosom in sorrow. Harry, having heard her cries from the courtyard, entered silently. She turned, her tear-strewn face awash with anguish. "Oh Harry, you are the Chosen One," she sobbed, and he felt the blood coursing through his body, wakening and raising his wand's flaccidity to it's full erect entirety. His robe thrust out, she caught it and kissed it, tears mixing with his essence. They flew to the heights of Hogwarts' erected towers and there, consummated the burning passion that, for now, was enough.

Horton Hears A Whore...And Bones Her. Whereupon Horton, Being made aware of the Woman he knew only as Beatrice, herself being a vivacious lady of the night, and he, an elephantine gentleman, heard her knock upon the lintel of his abode, and having invited her in for tea, soon made advances upon her in such surprising earnestness that she was compelled to cry out in her particular fashion. A gentle, "Who! Who!" fluttered from her gossamer lips with such sweetness, that Horton felt he must thrust more deeply into the flowery center of her being, more deeply than he had ever striven or achieved before.

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