Cultural Imperialist
"Scathing Spats on Shallow Subjects"
Tue May 21
2013
Tuna Half-Men: Let’s ‘Flip’ the Dolphin PR Assault
Tuna Half-Men: Let’s ‘Flip’ the Dolphin PR Assault
He's played a kindly convict, Nelson Mandela and even a mop-pushing God. On the other hand, the world was obliterated by read on
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Hey Kids: Enough With the Beatles Shirts
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Interracial Couples Aren’t *That* Happy
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Fruity Metaphors Have Got to Stop
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I Inject! The Solution to Rowdy Concerts
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Tag, You’re the Sh–: The Importance of Moral Shirtainty
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All non- “Pepper” Sodas: Hands off the Doc
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ImperialMitt: Why We Love Romney
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Libertarians: Stop Trying So Hard
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The Bed Head Look: Shoot It, Stuff It, Put It in the Attic
If you can't buy a band's music on iTunes, that's a pretty good sign that you, as a member of Generation Whine, 
The surest way to get someone to spend on your product or cause is slapping a broad cross-section of humanity on a 
We are surrounded by fruit, and something has got to be done about it.
First, the word itself. Fruit. It looks vaguely 
Every concert has a Designated A--hole, whose job it is to solipsize himself and dance as if he had Area 51 to 
You could always identify the loser in elementary, middle, high, college and postdoctoral studies by the presence of a flipped-out tag on 
Yeah, I see you, Dr. Pop. Don't try to hide, Dr. Thunder. Wake me up before you go-go, Dr. Wham. You are 
"The multiculturalism movement must be unmasked for the fraud that it is. There are superior cultures, and ours is one of them." 
Every time I meet libertarians, they seem hellbent on making themselves look like horrible human beings. Not for their pro-limited government views, 
We get it. You worked really hard to get that "I don't care" look. In fact, we get it so much, it's 
Running In Place Is A Tool’s Exercise
You come to an intersection but instead of stopping, you keep running in place. Wow, you're such a douche.The Half-Assed Turn Is Full-On Jerk
Drivers who are turning but refuse to occupy the entirety of the turn lane are a douchey menace to society.Abolish Express Lane Abuse
I've watched you--all of you abuse the honor system by passing more than the designated number of items through the express line. Congratulations, you're a douche.
What's Next
The Postman Always Weighs Twice (as much you)
I have noticed an increase in the girth of my local post- men and women, their biomass in… read onVagazzled!
Don't ask me how I ran across (or acrost as they say in my old neighborhood of Redneckia)… read onThe Jeg is Up
There are certain things a culture can do to obliterate itself on the relevance scale.… read onSacrificial Ma’am
Time was, you could call a woman ma'am without her getting offended. Just because that… read onUp, “Chuck”: This Heaven’s Not a Home without Zachary Levi
The season premiere of "Chuck" is three weeks away, and like any 13-year-old girl in a c… read on
“Big” Love: Why aren’t we outraged by Tom Hanks’ underage sex?
It hit me in the shower today: Tom Hanks was 13 years old when he had sex with Elizabeth Pe… read on